Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
