He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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