You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
