Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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