So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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