I just pynch a tree in the face
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
