We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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