My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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