FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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