I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
