Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
