I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
