My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize