the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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