i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize