Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
