shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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