Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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