Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
