I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
