What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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