This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
