Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
