why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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