He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
