There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
