found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
