Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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