Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
