GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
