living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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