Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
