did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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