Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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