This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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