I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
