I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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