Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
