I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
