So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
