I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
