i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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