Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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