i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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