how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
