I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
