did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
