i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize