I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
