oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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