i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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