You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
