When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
