My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize