we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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