the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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