Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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