so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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