Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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