Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
