But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
