He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
