well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
