in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
