Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just google imaged poop.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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