Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
