thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
