This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
