3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize